Know What "Yes!" Feels Like

This is a little phrase of wisdom that I believe I gleaned from Oprah. No matter how you may feel personally about Oprah, it's a great principle. In the last few months,  I have been feeling so aware and so grateful to have emerged from  first the initial shock of the MS diagnosis (November) and then the few months of reeling sadness and free-fall depression (December-March) that I have been practicing saying, "yes." Even during the depression, I realized that even when I felt truly awful, it was activity and company that helped me feel better and emerge from my blues and my funk. This whole summer has been an exercise in trying to say "Yes!" as much as possible. For me, this has meant two things. First, I have been paying attention to the things that I do that give me that deep, gut-satisfying "Yes!" I have been making a list of those things for myself, so I have a better since of what those things are. Biking, blueberry picking, road trips have all made the list. Second, however, I have been saying, "yes," even to things that I normally would say no to. I've been pushing through my own fear and knee-jerk resistance to say yes in spite of my fears. For instance, normally I prefer one-on-one interactions to groups, but I have been saying "yes"  to groups. I normally like to be plan-ful and hesitate to do things last minute, but I have been saying "yes" to last minute road trips and other adventures.  Ordinarily, I feel nervous about meeting new people, but I am learning to say, "Sure, bring your best friend, your girlfriend, your neighbor!" When have I EVER gone to a bar by myself to hear good music? Well, I did this summer. Last Saturday, I was shopping at the grocery store when I saw one of the handful of African Americans in my predominately white small town and I smiled broadly and said hello. She stopped me because she recognized me by sight from seeing me around although I didn't recognize her. We exchanged information and the next thing I know I had accepted, without any reservations or hesitancy on my part, a lunch invitation at her house this past Saturday. The conversation and food were excellent; I had a lovely time. It is feeling so good to broaden my horizons, to get past my initial hesitancy to embrace all the good things this world has to offer me. And, if something is as truly unpleasant as I had feared, I can simply chose to not do it again. I am finding, though, the rewards outweigh the risks by far.