At my last Dr.'s visit, months ago now, he asked me to describe what kind of double vision I had during my first (and currently only attack) during the spring. "Uhhh...", I responded. "I think it was side by side double vision, but only from one eye." Then, I corrected, "No, wait, actually I think it was one vision on top of the other". In the end, though, I could not remember with confidence this detail. Wasn't double vision, double vision? No, as it turned out. This small detail, had I been able to remember it accurately, would have told him something interesting and definitive about my case.
Now, after a period of not sleeping well, I am back to the importance of recording things in a medical journal of sorts. I bought a small version of one of my favorite types of journals over the weekend and now I need to start using it to record, among other things, my sleeping patterns. I have been waking up suddenly from deep sleep on a consistent basis around 3 p.m. or 4 p.m. in the morning and then I might wake and putter for a bit. Or, toss and turn until around 6 a.m., and then drift into a restless sleep from which I wake up worse for the wear.
My usual M.O. when there is any sort of problem is to begin solving it immediately, which I have discovered is at times based on a completely wrong understanding of the problem or how it works. The best example of this was in the spring when I had vertigo. Solution to vertigo? Lie down, of course! Rest, sleep! Through keeping a medical journal, though, I discovered that lying down was THE factor make my vertigo 10,000% worse. Unbelievable. Quite frankly, I wouldn't have believed it if I hadn't been tracking it. Instead, it turned out that rest was the key, but only resting sitting up with a "husband" pillow gently resting under my back.
I have been struggling a little bit with what do I record in my medical journal? What's important? What's unimportant? How do I set it up? Through a little bit of googling, I found that most recommend charting not only new symptoms and reactions (good and bad) to medication as well as doctor's recommendations and significant events such as hospitalizations, but also broader entries about stress, mood, etc. Here were encouraging words for the broad-style approach:
"As for personal sanity, I suggest writing down any thoughts which scare, frustrate, anger, or even inspire you. Get out anything which is hard to convey to others--undefinable symptoms, personal grief about the situation, or anger for being in such a predicament. No one has to read this masterpiece but you. Sometimes it feels better to vent on a piece of paper than to complain yet again to an innocent, loving, but frazzled loved one. Consider it your cheap, personal therapist."
To that, I say, "Amen!" Because it gives me the freedom to really broadly track my experience, especially now that some of the shock has worn off. It gives me a place to sort things through because even though it's hard for me not to say to myself, "But, nothing's happening. Your fine! What do you have to complain about?" (This is the cranky , impatient old-man-muppets-in-the balcony-me). Emotionally, so much is happening for me, and I need a safe place to truly grapple with it.
